The Greek prefix telo means “the end or complete” and philia is Greek for “love or loving.”
Thus we can use the word telophilia to represent the highest form of relationship or the union of souls or joint alchemy. So I equate the phenomena of supra-sex with telophilia.
Note these stages are the classic alchemical stages of soul development.
Another name we might call spiritual relationship is psychephilia, as psyche is both “soul” and “butterfly” in Greek and so apply reflects the metamorphic nature of soul union. At one time I found a reference to the word “teleiaphilia” meaning a principled friendship grounded on shared virtue and precepts; which is a philosophical level relationship. Telophilia however is one step beyond that being an empathetic, synergistic relationship of all levels, including soul.
These soul-relationships may not include sex but because they amplify kundalini they can be more energetically and intensely intimate and transformative than sexual relationships.
Following is an outline of the stages of soul relationship but to a certain extent all stages happen at once to varying degrees as well.
1. MEETING—Recognition, initiation, surges of energy in the head and solar plexus, enlivening of the genitals. Enlarging of ones field in relation to the other, heightening of alertness and energy level. Irresistible magnetic pull, constancy of attention and soul urge to be in each others presence.
2. QUICKENING—Spiritual acceleration, extreme heart opening, purging, purifying, nausea, awe, hope. Clearing, tidying up loose ends, nest building, talking to oneself, physical exercise to absorb tension. Alternating periods of hyperactivity (sympathetic) with heart expanding lethargy (parasympathetic).
3. RUBBERBANDING—Alternating surrender with periods of sensual indulgence as the ego tries to use and/or suppress the charge. Boundary testing, uncertainty, exploration and resolution of differences. Blowing off the cocoon through compression and expansion.
4. TOLERANCE—Bodymind gains faith, becomes stronger quieter and more peaceful. Learns to protect and allow the intense “opening” energy cycles of soul-merger. Rewiring to handle the amplified energy and kinesthetic senses.
5. SURRENDER—Attraction to spiritual intimacy as soul increasingly incarnates with the opening of the bodymind. There is a letting go of morbid thoughts and behaviors as trust develops. Eros progressively triumphs over Thanatos.
6. TRANSPARENCY—Proactive-YES AND Green-lighting Spirit. With conscious joint metamorphic alchemy there is a movement from deprivation states to co-Being. Sympathetic resonance causes the falling away of resistance and strengthens the ability to “enjoy” love.
7. SUBSTANTIATION—Maintenance of a mature equilibrium of holding the “We Space,” while still sustaining full individuation. Potent, creative, cooperative partnership, mature monogamy-(RAM)
The symptoms of attraction in relationship correspond to those of the metamorphic process and are representative of the two sides of the nervous system in a kind of tango. Normalization of the nervous system can be achieved through walking, deep breathing, toning, movement like Qi gong and immersion in water.
This is not to make a problem out of love, for we can enjoy both parasympathetic and sympathetic hypertonal periods, but in order to ”assimilate” them comfortably without being triggered into negative coping mechanisms there are a few handy tricks we can use. Incarnation is often hard work, especially if we are used to blocking energies and consciousness from having grown up in dysfunctional environments.
Sympathetic hyperactivation: The stage fright like surges of energy in the solar plexus and high blood pressure in the head can be handled by gentle rhythmic tapping the back over the adrenal glands/kidney area.
Parasympathetic hyperactivation: The heart expansions and low blood pressure of this cycle creates fatigue, weakness in the arms, softening of the neuromusculature and gives a sense of needing to get horizontal. This condition can be eased by repetitive gentle tapping on the chest 1-2 inches below the notch of the clavicles.
How to establish a Telophilius relationship:
First we have to talk about it for many years, then we seriously contemplate it quietly, then we start to imagine it in 3D, then we begin to become “attractive,” then we manage to magnetize a perfect polar partner to us, then we enter the honeymoon and think we have found heaven on earth, then we are plunged into the hell realms to feel the full range of our self-betrayal and self-rejection, then we learn we specifically created exactly what we got, then we forgive all creation and especially ourselves, and then at last we enter a true tantric, supra-sexual, metamorphic, alchemical relationship.
http://www.breath.org/alchemy/sensation.htm—”Whatever words we use to describe this transformative process, what we are talking about here is, at least at one level, the process of deep relaxation, of loosening the energetic knots that keep us bound to our present perceptions. It is through deep, organic relaxation that we learn to untie these knots and to let go of what is superfluous in our lives, the unnecessary structures of thought, emotion, and sensation that we have constructed to support or defend our self-image.
These structures not only consume our energy, but they also keep anything new from entering. Learning how to see and let go of these unnecessary structures not only has a beneficial influence on our health and well-being, but it also helps conserve and produce the energy we need for a work of inner transformation…It is the organic experience of this essential spaciousness that embraces the various polarities and contradictions of our lives and allows them to exist side by side in our being without conflict. This inner, organic embrace, this sensory acceptance of everything that we are, frees not only our body, but also our mind and feelings, bringing us a new sense of vitality and wholeness.”
“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” Henri Bergson.
“If we are going to create a more humane world, it’s important to discover how to form sustained relationships that fulfill our deepest needs and contribute to an atmosphere of caring that the culture is crying for.” Hugh Delehanty
THE INTERACTIVE FIELD EFFECT
The Third Thing
“Health was a state of perfect subatomic communication and ill health was a state where communication breaks down. When we are ill our waves are out of sync.” 52 Lynne Mc Taggart, The Field.
By “following our bliss” as Joseph Campbell suggests we are following the ecstatic wave of Grace in which our waves are all in sync. The Ecstatic Wave is the flow between dissolution and structure, which is the natural speed of evolution without resistance. When we fall in sync in relationship the field effect is magnified, so imagine when we can do this consciously in relationship. What Grace. If anything, kundalini is an impersonal force that is trying to get us “connected.”
Connected both within ourselves and connected to the Kosmos—to fall in sync with the universe in a perfect state of Grace.
You feed me in the Grace of your reception and depth of Grokking me, such that I no longer know what is me, and what is you…we are so complete in the circle of us.
In his book The Mystery of Human Relationship Nathan Schwartz-Salant introduces the concept of the interactive field, and explains that transformative alchemy can progress once we acknowledge the field which exists between partners in a relationship. He says this “third field,” an area encompassing the mutually interpenetrating subconscious, conscious and superconscious levels of both people.
This shared juncture of being is not only a repository of subjectivities, but it also has an objective character as well. And remember we are like icebergs, with only about 1% of our consciousness that is actually “conscious.” Exploring this interpersonal field, what Richard Moss calls “The Third Thing,” can lead to personal growth capable of enriching all relationships through tacit understanding of our transpersonal (spiritual) nature.
Removing that which gets in the way of the symphony of our joint state of Grace (being in sync) is how the container of the relationship “The Third Thing” or the field of unconditional love is preserved. And it is through this purified and substantiated field that we as a couple find a new relationship to the Universe and grace the world with our presence.
“In certain relationships, the level of profound close goodness is so great that any thing that gets in the way of that that is not pure, clear connection will feel incredibly bad to the degree that I will have to amend it or feel almost sick. My partner in this will feel it too. Our inclination is to exit the relationship, or withdraw, or become clingy, but none of those actions work except to cause further pain.
The ONLY way out is THROUGH. With some other relationships I have, if things arise, it doesn’t matter, because they are not obscuring this pure connection. But with this one, it is spiritually imperative that what has arisen that causes pain is dealt with. Each of us has to take extreme responsibility for our own feelings, and be brutally honest, completely open and non-defensive and able to listen in a space created purposely for the healing. When the problem is shared, the level of relief is extraordinary and it feels like a great healing has taken place, not only of the issue at hand, but of some greater older deeper issue that was triggered by the problem presented within our relationship.
It feels like this indeed IS the purpose of the relationship. When these old hurts are dealt with and the air is cleared, it is as if nothing more needs to be done. A great, huge love is felt that encompasses the whole world and we are each completely accepted “as is”.” Jacqui Denomme
“Where there is love there is no conflict, because love has no image. Love doesn’t build images because love is not touched by thought. Love is not of time.” 73, Krishnamurti, On Relationship.
“In some ways, the interactive field only exists because the two people are connecting in a field of attraction, in relationship, that is both the meeting of their own unique signatures but also higher gradations of fields overlapping as well, which connect straight to the divine. The amount of energy that is imbibed in the relational auric field is dependent on the openness present in both individuals in relationship. The largest component to that openness is a willingness to fully inhabit the present.
If that openness (and its associated purity) is present and accessible, it does have a sort of indestructablility as well as resilience when disruptions (or heavier spots) appear in the field. But, like any relationship, it will have periods of different feeling tones, anywhere from dissonant, intense, heavy, edgy, as well as blissful, clear, etc. As human beings, we are all gradations of energy: dense and refined. I don’t think the secret is to avoid or shun any of these qualities, but to enjoy them as they are….all the while (for the sake of health) exercising an awareness and intelligence with embodying its variety of configurations.” Andy Acker
By the embrace of truth and through working on the blocks to harmony in our interactive field we become “As Gods” as our boundaries with the Infinite and the Eternal are dissolved.